Yeeko gone.

31.7.08

My yeeko is gone and it is SO unbelievable cos I just went to his hse and had dinner and we talked and he telling me that he is doing a lot of exercise, showing me all the tapes he bought for exercising. Asking me where the famous steam fish stall that Chui Ling (in TV) introduced is located. And I told him that I wud check and then take him there. He was so happy. In spite of my hubby and sis-in-law rushing me to go home, somehow, I just continue to talk with him, asking him to take me to the farm to buy the huge mangoes. And joke that I want to harvest all the big ones.

Then he went out for a walk and we went home and that was the last I saw of him.

We (that is my family) all love this brother very much cos he spoil us alot. He will get us the best fruits, fish and food he knows. He welcome us ANYTIME and bring out the best he has for us to eat. There is no lies....... my kids are the living proof. And when ask to do ANY favor, without hesitation, he will do. I am glad he knows that I love him too cos I always cook for him his favourite food like nonya chang, nonya curry chicken, otak otak, assam curry fish and even normal curry chicken where he will have double servings. I will cook him simple french toast when he just happen to drop by . He is very shy even with us and always say I have enough, I eat very little nowadays but by the end of the day, he ALWAYS finish the food cos first of all he never like to waste food. I really feel good when I see how he enjoys all the food I cook for him and my other brother cos their wives don't cook the same way our mom did.

I feel so sorry for him cos in spite of all the love he showered to his wife and three daughters, they never reciprocrated. Maybe becos he don't know how to do it the right way. I am glad we had talks although short ones. Glad to lend him an ear where he vows out all his frustrations. But sad not being able to help cos all parties stick on to their own thinking thus difficult to drill into their head.

ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT THERE IS ONE PERSON LESS IN THE WORLD TO LOVE AND PAMPER US.

Not that I have so little to talk about him but I have to go to his hse to help out with his burial on Sunday at 10.00am. Perhaps when I have more time I can share more memories but then I will cry each time I talk about the people I love. Well, lets see how later. Still have not got over it yet. I dare not cry so much cos when I do that my chest hurts. ...............................

Working & Politics

Been working for the past 3 months at a medical centre. I was taken in as a transcriptionist but I know I cannot take that job cos the medical words are too long and it is too tedious for me to start learning now. Perhaps if like school days, we get to sit down and learn it by hard then possible, but then while working it is like I am on the go all the time. Now as a runner which means, I sort out the films and make sure the proper reports goes into the proper envelopes and then despatch it out to the front counter where it is then despatched to the patient.

It would have been a wonderful place to work in IF the people don't find opportunity to find faults. There are 4 places for us to put the envelopes. First- OP (out patient) goes to the main desk, second - staying in patient where we will leave it at the counter at the back, third - ESP (executive special programe) will be left just next to the in pt. envelopes then fourth - those applying for visas will be left on a tray. /there are also some day care and resus and referrals BUT they will still be around the same counter in the same building.

However/whenever one envelope goes to the wrong place, the counter clerks will come into our station and ask who send that particular envelope out. My point is, why bother to find out who send it out, the main thing is we find it and despatch it. Then this will be complained to the higher authorities. So petty/childish.

Of course they make mistakes too. And wasting our time going out to the front to ask them to change the code (for docs). Sometimes they take some time to change and it will delay in our reports. We don't complaing about them.

Everybody makes mistakes but I think we should work as a team and find a solution to the problems we face but here, they like to point finger. Not nice to work, in that sense.

Working again.

I was recommended to work as a transcriptionist in a 'HOSPITAL'. First of all the word trans.................................... is so long, already scare me and what more in a hospital. My friend was very convincing and assuring me that it is not what it looks like. I just had to type the reports done by the doctors on the X-rays.

So I went for an interview. I was tested on typing speed which was ok ok but when it comes to spelling, out of the 70 + words, I could not spell about 15 - 20. SHAME. I got the job anyway but, NOT becos I pass the test well but because they needed some matured people and urgently.

On my first day at work, I was put at the station with the most scary doctor who has a very hot temper. After some observation, he wasn't that bad to me. He flares up cos he knows his job very well and can't take stupid mistakes made twice on the same issue. I am not worried about working with him but I am very worried about the spelling of the medical terms. So many long and boombastic words like:- hydronephrosis, neolasic, ascites, cannulated, duodenum, intrahepatic and many many more. So alien to a layman like me. Sigh!!!!!!!!!

I manage to learn to sort out the films and report fast and I am pretty happy that at least I have started working and not sitting and doing nothing but worrying.

Well, I am only one week old there....................let's see how it goes. Praying very hard to cope up with the job.

But sad to conclude that I caught the flu from the new colleague who went to work with me on the same day. And each time I get sick, it takes ages to get well.........

I got a very good surprise again tho. My little sweetheart came back for a short visit but sad she does not reconize me anymore.And probably when she does, it is time to go home again. But it is good to hold her again.

MY LIFE

I have been having sleepless nights recently cos I have been having my cough again and feeliong breathless. Sometimes pain at chest area too. I know this time there is something not right although my last check was ok. But I am not going for any surgery cos it is very painful and it will cost a bomb. The insurance company has already put in papers that they will not pay for any illness that has something to do with diabetics. And also, how many more years do they guarantee after the surgery. I DO NOT want to live that long anyway cos if I am sickly, I will bring alot of inconvenience to my family.

My children seem to be able to take care of themselves. They do not heed my advise anymore. And I think I am begining to be a naggy. I often remind my eldest girl to keep her room tidy, come home early and contribute some help around the house. Each time she cooks something, she will mess up the kitchen. My second one will help to clean up the house as and when she is in the mood and when she does, she will be complaining about her eldest sister. But she fail to realise that she also leave her things around sometimes which result in an arguement most times and me getting frustrated and upset at the same time. And my son, he is in the food line and uses my kitchen often. Each time he cooks, I will get very very upset cos, he will leave it in a massive mess. I get so upset that I could not breath. I even cried out of frustration. He will clean the pots and pans but not properly leaving smell of butter/some sauce cooked with cheese or stew lamb WHICH I DREAD. He will leave bits of veggie/cream and even bread crumbs in the fridge. Plates and glasses used are not properly placed back into the cupboards AND SO ON AND ON AND ON.

Their dad often leave our toilet bowl and the basin dirty. I have to clean it cos I cannot stand it. He will leave the cups all over the kitchen table, his diaries/newspapers everywhere in the hall. He has got about 4 - 5 office bags all over the hall. Oh yes, I do keep them in place once in a while but I got fed-up with it cos the place will look tidy but only for 2 weeks max. Everybody knows how to take towels and bed sheets from my cupboard but never know how to put it back. The 2 girls will NEVER fold the clean laundry. It is mostly done by their father or me and sometimes the brother.

My mistake is, I do everything for them when they were small and when I was much younger. And I had a maid for 2 years. I am not that old now but it is my heart which cannot take all these. When I wash the toilet, I could hardly breath afterwards. Or even when I squat to take a pot or pick some onions or wash the table cloth I feel so tired and breathless. I feel so useless. It is so frustrating when I compare what I can do now and before. I could rearrange the whole house furniture by myself in a day but now, I could not even change my own bedsheet. Sometimes I have to beg or get angry for my sheets to be changed.

The good thing about my children is they are not involved in drugs. That is the only consolation. They always feel that I am domineering. I feel that if I don't tell them, I am not doing my duty but when I tell, they feel I nag too much. The thing is: when I say one time, they NEVER listen. Well, I always say this, probably they will appreciate what I have done and said to them when I am gone.

This may just be a coincidence. I have dreaming about the dead quite often these days. Probably I will meet them soon. My mom died at about the same age as I am now. I am not afraid to go cos I have a lot of friends up there too.